Hollywood’s official awards season may have ended with last week’s Oscars, but a spot on our Quotes of the Week selection is a year-round reward.
In the list below, we’ve rounded up nearly 20 of the most memorable soundbites from television over the past seven days, including moments from both scripted and unscripted TV, cable, and streaming series.
This time we have Keeley Jones’ latest F-bomb target Ted Lassocurtsy to a certain 9-1-1: Lone Star a storyline best forgotten, a psychedelic drug trip that goes away Party DownHenry is confused by his pop culture references, and American carpromising viewers they’ll never look at a bottle of mustard the same way again.
Also in this week’s selection: double doses Way Home, Abbott Elementary and Grey’s Anatomyplus quotable moments from The Last of Us, Voice, Servant and more shows.
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and let us know if we missed any of your favorites!
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PARTY DOWN
Image credit: Starz screenshot
“I can’t believe what I did! I am the worst person in the whole world! What happened to me? I lost a whole guy!”
“No, Evie, there are worse people.”
“Not at all! Name who is worse, I don’t know!”
“Stalin! Vlad Tepes! John Krasinski! I mean, there are scary people out there…”
“From Office?!”
Henry (Adam Scott) hilariously confuses his favorite actor with the Unabomber while tripping over mushrooms
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TED LASO
Image credit: Apple TV+ screenshot
“Dammit, Joe Rogan!”
We love the trend when Keely (Juno Temple) tells creepy men to scurry (see also: Piers Morgan)
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TED LASO (Bonus quote!)
Image credit: Apple TV+ screenshot
“My God, it’s like a real office! People write, it’s embarrassing and all that!”
Kiely has officially arrived and Rebecca (Hannah Waddingham) is quick to notice
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VOICE
Image credit: NBC screenshot
“I can’t wait to see him take on Tim McGraw or something in the next round.”
Chance the Rapper is playfully grumbling after the loss of soulful singer Blake Shelton
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9-1-1: LONE STAR
Image credit: Fox screenshot
“You only get married once, my. Twice in your case, but only once for the one you love.”
Apparently, Carlos’ mother (Roxanne Brousseau) missed the memo about never bringing up Iris’ marriage plot – never again
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A TRUE LIE
Image Credit: CBS Screenshot (2)
“Think of it as a work uniform.”
“A $10,000 work uniform, Harry?”
Harry (Steve Howie) tries to help Helen (Ginger Gonzaga) get a job with her (two pairs!) secret Louboutins, etc.
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THE WAY HOME
Image credit: Hallmark Channel screenshot
“You look. You have aged like moderately priced wine.’
Kat (Chyler Lee) sees her high school friend Nick as an adult
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THE WAY HOME (Bonus quote!)
Image credit: Hallmark Channel screenshot
“I guess there are no parenting textbooks for this unique situation.”
“Well, I could write one, but I don’t think I’d sell very many copies. Building up your time-traveling teenager’s resilience…”
“Yes, it’s a niche market.”
Elliot (Evan Williams) and Kat (Chyler Lee) ponder how to break the news to Alice that her boyfriend from 1999 is engaged in the present timeline.
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SERVANT
Image credit: Apple TV+ screenshot
“It was the nicest thing anyone ever did for me. I would have given anything to have him for one more minute, and you gave it to me months with him. But this pain I feel now is also part of my love for him. I need to feel it.”
A newly enlightened Dorothy (Lauren Ambrose) rejects Leanne’s offer to bring her dead son Jericho back to life
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ABBOT ELEMENTARY
Image credit: ABC screenshot
“Draemond Changes Name to Legendary Schools Presents Abbott Charter”.
“What’s with Lee Daniels?”
Barbara (Sheryl Lee Ralph) reacts to Ava’s (Janel James) announcement of a possible new school nickname
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ABBOT ELEMENTARY (Bonus quote!)
Image credit: ABC screenshot
“I am very good at campaigning. People always open doors for me because they think I’m a lost child.’
Janine (Quinta Brunson) is confident that she will be able to win over the students’ parents with her petition
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NCIS
Image Credit: CBS Screenshot
“Agent Parker, I hope you can let me know where I can get the best dumplings?”
(Before leaving, the senator hands Parker his card and Vance raises an eyebrow)
“The right dumplings? Is that a euphemism?’
“It’s now.”
Senator Miller (Brigid Branagh) is interested in… Alden’s dumplings
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NEXT LEVEL BOSS
Image credit: Fox screenshot
“Matt is freaking out, he has no starch. You don’t need starch in every dish, it’s not 1978!”
Richard believes the chef’s big problem is small potatoes
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AMERICAN CAR
Image credit: NBC screenshot
“Do you think Richard would stay with me if I caused a picture of his penis with mustard to hit the internet?!”
“Why do you need this picture?”
“We thought it was going to be sexy! It was stupid! It wasn’t. That was offensive, okay? It wasn’t fun. It was not — Did you know that mustard stains?! Did you know it stains the skin?! I didn’t know that. I swear to God, I didn’t know that!”
Catherine (Anna Gasteyer) has a conflict with Payne’s lawyer Elliott (Humphrey Kerr) over the hackers’ release of her and her husband’s personal nudes
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GREY’S ANATOMY
Image credit: ABC screenshot
“If you bring that hyena home tonight, I’ll sleep in my van.”
“How is that a threat?”
Blue (Harry Shum Jr.) suggests that Mika (Midori Francis) reconsider the way she urges Lucas to dump his boisterous new lover
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GREY’S ANATOMY (Bonus quote!)
Image credit: ABC screenshot
“That woman is yelling in (Owen’s) face!”
“It’s not you once. It’s me, trying to cheer up.”
Bailey (Chandra Wilson) points out to Teddy (Kim Raver) that her husband might get off probation.
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THE LAST OF US
Image credit: HBO screenshot
“So time heals all wounds I guess.”
“Ain’t the time to do it.”
Ellie (Bella Ramsey) and Joel (Pedro Pascal) break our hearts with what they do no need they say in the season 1 finale
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The Mandalorian
Image credit: Disney+ screenshot
Manda: This is the way
Bo: This is the way
Grog: *crab noise* pic.twitter.com/wMojJ67rFj
— ✨Sam✨ (@AGalaxyDivided) March 15, 2023
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Grogu (it seems!) takes his first stab at the family mantra